THE DEAD WANT WOMEN

It’s the roaring twenties and siren of the silver screen, Rose Pettigrew (Jean Louise O’Sullivan) believes she has the world at her feet. But there is one vital thing the super Diva doesn’t possess in the eyes and, more importantly, ears of Hollywood executives – a marketable voice. You see, the ‘talkie’ is about to take Tinsel Town by storm and it would seem Pettigrew has had her day.

Her orgiastic debauchery with Fatty Arbuckle influenced Tubby Fitzgerald (Nihilist Gelo), the silent horror star who, shall we say takes his work home with him, Eric Burke (Robert Zachar), and the wild west macho icon Sonny Barnes (Eric Roberts) is rudely interrupted by her agent Norman (Circus-Szalewski). He delivers the devastating news that her lucrative contract has been cancelled.

Desperation turns into psychosis as the diva murders her follow actors and a final act of true showmanship, slits her own throat in front of the public.

We now jump forward to the present and join Danni (Ariana Madix) and Reese (Jessica Morris), two gorgeous young Real Estate traders who believe they are about to crack the big time. Assisting the buying and selling property to Hollywood’s elite is just the break they have been waiting for. They start to spruce up a deserted mansion (Pettigrew’s no less) before anticipating a meeting with a mysterious cash buyer.

But as the days endeavours and the celebratory wine combines with the belated arrival of the buyer, they drift into a reverie. When they regain some semblance of consciousness, they soon discover the real reason the mansion has been abandoned for so long…

Ok I will start with a few positives.

Firstly if I was to allude to the 75 minute run time as a plus point of the movie, I think you can almost figure out where this review is heading!

Coming off the FULL MOON assembly line, the picture obviously had a very cheap production. But aesthetically there were still a few elements to enjoy. The female members of the cast were gloriously stunning to look at. This was helped by the softcore, lesbian overtones of certain scenes no doubt.

But while Madix and Morris were easy on the eye, they hardly convinced as the hardcore go getters cracking the cut throat Hollywood Real Estate market.

Then there was the character credited as, ‘Flapper # 1’, played by porn starlet, Jeannie Marie Sullivan. (I know I know, ludicrously similar name to the actress who plays Pettigrew but they are indeed different people!) You may remember her from such delights as "Couples Seduce Teens volume 3" (then again you may not!). While this nonsensical effort may not provide her with the springboard to cross over from Porn star to Horror Scream Queen (as she self-promotes in the extras section!) at least it provided her with the opportunity to model a very fetching ‘merkin’. (That’s a toupee for vaginas in case you didn’t know chaps!)

Robert Zachar added a real element of menace with his character playing the Horror movie star who’s mind blurs the lines of acting and reality, but all in all this was a pretty tame effort.

The most interesting facet of the picture was the opening gambit, especially when the depraved licentiousness of these seemingly innocent "stars" was revealed. Unfortunately it only served as a prologue (all be it an elongated one) before we jumped into a modern storyline. Had it retained that vintage element of seedy fantasy we could have had a fun bit of trash on our hands. Unfortunately however, I felt the classic ‘dead take revenge from beyond the grave’ that made up the narrative simply didn’t work when propelled into the current era.

I think I would have been more forgivable had the make up and masks been a little more convincing. Without revealing too much, the vintage actors obviously return from the grave to fulfil some unexplainable blood lust and in doing so are in semi decaying state. The problem with this was the fact there make up simply stopped at their ears! From the front it was acceptable but from the side I was questioning whether they are actual zombies or simply wearing masks to try and scare the Real Estate duo!

In the ‘Extras’ section there is a 14 minute making of documentary that was mainly made up of interviews with the actors involved, Pats on the back all round, a few slick one liners thrown in (good luck with your new career in porn Geo!) but not a lot else.

We are then treated to a "stills" segment that runs for about 3 minutes and at least that provides another opportunity to ogle the gorgeous girls!

In summary, if you want to gawp at some hot chicks while fantasizing over Estate Agents getting slaughtered it may be worth a look! But for me I find the more antiquated offerings from FULL MOON far more satisfying.

Review by Marc Lissenburg